Growing up, we all expected to be loved in a certain way. You expect to be loved like in the movie Notebook, Noah building Allie’s dream house, excited like when you read Jane Austen’s novel when Mr Darcy proposes to Elizabeth for the second time, the spark that we might feel when our eyes meet “The One.” It was always described as easy, just like how Disney portrays it in their princess movies. You cannot resist.
But now, finding love can feel so draining, as tons of videos or memes describe it as “born in the wrong generation for love” or “what’s wrong with this generation,” and behind every joke, there will be a little bit of truth in that.
So, what does dating feel like for Gen Z? If you ask this question, they will let out a big sigh before even answering the question. ” Dating nowadays. It’s incredibly hard to find someone who’s willing to commit, but then again, it’s quite ironic for me when I’m also not willing to commit. It also includes fear of being cheated on and etc,” says a 21-year-old, year 2 student accountant who wishes to remain anonymous.
“Situationship,” “no label,” “It’s Complicated,” and “Talking state” are the words that Gen Z uses to describe their romantic lives. Even dating shows like Love Island or Single Inferno try to revise the romantic ideal, but they end up just having their foot out the door once something is wrong.
This new way of approaching makes the older generation feel concerned and roll their eyes at the same time, saying, “Gen Z is lacking in commitment.” It stings to hear that, but is there some truth to that?
Swiping & Non-Committal vibe
As it has become more modern with technology, dating seems so easy, so you thought. Some might prefer to meet cute at the cafe, at school, or by being introduced by friends or family, but one of the nontraditional ways is through online dating.
Swipe, swipe, swipe. Before you know it, you spend hours on the dating app in your bedroom while trying to find your “perfect match,” unsure of what you are looking for but still convinced that this next swipe might be your ideal fit. Welcome to Gen Z life, where the endless options are the vibe, but commitment is like being stuck in a group chat that you cannot leave.
“Commitment seems less serious these days, maybe because of dating apps. People often get together just to pass time, have fun, or meet new people for company,” said 21-year-old Keneka, a newly graduated software engineer showing her frustration towards current dating culture.
“They’re pointless, meaningless, and just waste everyone’s time,” she added when asked about the word situationship. “They definitely prevent people from committing or taking relationships seriously,” she continued.
Commitment issues aren’t new, but Gen Z’s unique approach to navigating them is. You could say that modern problems require modern solutions whether it’s ghosting potential new romantic partners or trying not to put a label on relationships.
TMI (Too Much Information)
Gen Z is praised as the most open-minded and emotionally intelligent generation. We’re the generation that, with access to self-care, emotion-based thinking pieces, and books that write about a specific topic about all of our issues, just one click and we will have it in our hands. We understand emotional boundaries, trauma cycles, and attachment styles better than older generations. However, the word “Commitment” is still a new concept for Gen Z.
So the question is, how can we make a lifelong decision when we are not even emotionally stable?
Dr. John Gottman, a New York Times best-selling author, emphasizes that it is a crucial foundation to step forward in relationships with emotionally stable people. He also added that most of the people who have insecurity are often projecting those onto their partner, which could lead to decision-making.
Social media has been feeding us what a perfect relationship would look like in neatly edited reels or TikTok videos that let us idealize the unrealistic of what a real relationship is supposed to look like. It shows the angle we have always dreamed about since we were young.
It is strange that Gen Z is the generation that grew up with Rom-Com (Romantic Comedy) movies. They love to binge-watch all of the classics like “10 Things I Hate About You,” “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” “When Harry Met Sally,” and “Friend with Benefit,” which show light-hearted romance, added with a complexity of love and a mixture of comedy that makes us want to experience it in real life. However, they seem to enjoy a sense of romance rather than a romantic life.
In contrast to the early 2010s, the show, the media currently portraying love does not help with the statement, pointing out that Gen Z finds it difficult to commit. The shows ” Euphoria” and “The Idol,” which show the toxic side, confuse us because what we normally watch while growing up is not like what we see love portrayed right now.
This nauseating fact confuses people. Is love supposed to be all butterflies, or is this heart-wrenching distress?
Yuval Noah Harari, author of “Nexus,” labels social media as “a weapon of mass destruction” because its algorithms can decide what content to show you and what stories it wants to tell. In this digital age, users are constantly bombarded with information; while some are insightful, too much information can make you feel overwhelmed, leaving people to question what to believe and maybe to love.
He agrees that more information can potentially lead to more wisdom and knowledge, but not all information is valuable. There is a flood of junk information out there, and he argues that it is unhealthy for our brains to constantly receive unfiltered information.
“Basically, thinking more food is always good for you. You know there is a limit to how much food the body needs,” Harari stated. He goes on to explain that, just like our body, our mind needs limited information for our minds as well, not all information is good for our thoughts or our minds. “We basically need to go on an information diet”- Yuval Noah Harari.
Even though social media can help us understand our emotions and set healthy boundaries, it’s important to stay mindful. We need to be more selective about which information we receive and apply in our lives.
Scared or Just Cautious
It seems that when it comes to commitment, older generations are labeling us “more cautious” or “slow to settle down.” Maybe we are not afraid; maybe we just have a deeper understanding of it differently. We’ve grown up surrounded by endless posts, quotes, and lessons about love, heartbreak, and emotional intelligence.
Social media has become our unofficial therapist, the virtual friends whom we turn to whenever we have a problem. We constantly ask for advice, which can sometimes be helpful but confusing.
With that, too many bits of advice come from every direction; it’s hard to know which one can fix or apply to our own lives. It is convenient to instantly get advice online, but we also tend to forget that we live in the real world, real relationships require building through personal experience, not trendy wisdom.
Bormey, who has been in a relationship for 6 years, shared her thoughts on this issue “In relationship shouldn’t listened much from social influence because people live in different situations.” She continues it doesn’t mean that we should ignore online services altogether, but rather listen and analyze whether this is the right solution for them as a couple in this situation.
We are not avoiding commitment; we are trying to be more transparent about it. We’re to learn about boundaries and help us open up and learn how to communicate and understand our needs.
But sometimes, the constant advice and endless comparison can make it harder to know what we really want or what’s normal. It’s easy to feel like you’re doing it wrong just because your relationship doesn’t look like rose glasses like all those influencer reels.
And then there’s FOMO, “Fear Of Missing Out.” Many of us want to experience or set our own goals before we settle down, like traveling, having a successful career, or figuring ourselves out first. That doesn’t mean we are not capable of committing to someone, but we want to do it on our terms, not under society’s pressure.
“We prefer not to rush into relationships because we’re more focused on our goals and self-development. It’s not that we don’t value relationships, we just don’t prioritize them yet,” Victoria, a 21-year-old communication intern, says.
She continued, “When you find the right one, you just know—You just feel right, safe, and secure even with your insecurity because they will accept you for who you are. “But honestly, I rarely feel that way. Maybe it’s because I think people in this generation aren’t very serious about love—or maybe I’m just overthinking the idea of true love?” Victoria stated with a mixture of hope and concern.
Fear of Love or Fear of Loss?
Maybe Gen Z isn’t afraid of love; it’s just scared of what comes after the honeymoon phase. With endless choices, constant distractions, and a front-row seat to the chaos of modern relationships, it’s no wonder we hesitate. It’s not that we don’t care; it’s that caring too much feels risky when everything else in life already feels uncertain.
We grew up with love stories that promised magic, but reality handed us dating apps, ghosting, and a fear of defining anything. So, we would stay in the talking stage more, soft launch our partners, and call it a “situationship” to make it all feel less serious. We’re not lazy; we’re just cautious about navigating love in a world that feels anything but stable.
So… Is Commitment Dead?
Not really, but it’s developing for Gen Z. Commitment is about being focused, never about staying on a single path forever. We, as Gen Z, are challenging old timelines and choosing what our fulfillment looks like in our terms. Even with that freedom, social media puts pressure on complicated things. At the same time, it can also motivate unrealistic standards that can cause Gen Z to have doubts, indecision, and comparisons. Learning to commit despite the noise is becoming one of the most audacious things we can do in a culture that lives on change.
Ultimately, we’re changing what staying means, not rejecting commitment.
Perhaps deciding to think that something significant can last is a greater leap of faith than simply picking a partner. It’s trusting that even as the world shifts and everything around us changes, someone might still choose to stay, to grow with us, and to hold on when it would be easier to let go.
